Bookprints

     Scholastic is doing this thing on their website where people (mostly celebrities) pick the 5 books that have most influenced and shaped their lives.  They are calling these bookprints.  Tons of celebrities have participated, from famous actors and directors to authors as well, and Scholastic also includes a few bookprints from its own employees.

     After reading several of these, I decided to do one myself, not necessarily so that I can proclaim to the world the amazingness of my favorite books (I do that already), but because I wasn't actually sure that I could pick out 5 books that have shaped my life and adequately explain the reasons why.

     It's incredibly easy for me to explain why books are good or why they are my favorite, but now I'm going to have to explain why they matter to me specifically, and not only why they matter, but why these 5 books matter to me more than any other books I've ever read.  That's a tall order, I think, and I'm still not positive I'm going to be able to explain it properly.

     So, after about a half hour's worth of deliberation, I've finally narrowed it down to five books.  Here they are, with explanations for my choices:

1.) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Anyone who knows me at all will not be surprised at seeing this book top my list.  Hands down, Harry Potter is one of the biggest factors (that's right, I said factors, not books) shaping my life.  I first fell in love with the series in February of 2001, when I was 8 years old, and I've been obsessed, addicted, in love ever since.  Harry Potter has contributed to almost all aspects of my life: family, friends, school, life decisions...you name it, and I can trace it somehow to the effects of HP.  I'm currently an English major in college working at an independent bookshop, and I fully believe that none of that would have happened with out Harry to help me along.  

My mother says that I was a reader before HP, but I think it's safe to say that Pre-Harry Potter (a time I barely remember, honestly) I didn't have the same level of adoration for the written word that I gained afterwards.  Harry Potter has shaped my personality: I wouldn't be near as weird and individual as I am without it, and I certainly wouldn't take near as much pride in being exactly the way I am.

Through the experience of being a Harry Potter fan and showing such unbound enthusiasm for the series, I learned what it was like to be thought of as a weird kid, but I was absolutely unable to be ashamed of my love for HP, so the mean kids couldn't touch me.  The rude, mean, and sometimes very nasty things that kids are wont to say to each other never had much of an effect on me, because my love for Harry helped me to love myself and the way that I am.  The fact that Harry, Ron, and Hermione didn't cater to the whims of others, didn't change themselves to fit in, but also didn't seek attention for their differences...that has stuck with me.  If people made fun of me for something that made me so incredibly happy, then I didn't want to be around those people.

HP also shaped my relationships and my dreams: the people I love and keep in my life all accept me the way that I am, without judgement, especially since they also have their weird quirks and strange loves that I respect in return.  Growing up with Harry, learning those lessons, I naturally gravitated toward people with similar ideas, and now when I look at the people around me, the people I spend my time with, I realize how wonderful and unique and good they all are, and that's a wonderful feeling.  I know that no matter what happens, Harry will continue to shape my life.  As Jo Rowling said in 2011, "Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."  And I will always come back.


2.) Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

I know those are technically two books, but since I read them together, bound in a single volume, I think I should be allowed to count it as one.

I first read Alice when I was in junior high, and I fell in love with the story.  I'd heard of it, of course, and I'd seen the cartoon, but when I finally read the book, everything about it drew me in.  I absolutely adore the nonsensical sense it makes, and I think it's possibly one of the cleverest things I've ever read.  I really can't stand when people complain about it, saying it doesn't make any sense at all, because that's the beauty of it!  Carroll masks his sense with the nonsense, he mixes it all up until you don't even know if the sense you can make of it was intended or not.  And the language...he makes so many jokes and rhymes and riddles; the way he uses language as if it's nothing at all to him just fascinates me.  The making-up or words, the often very precise and intentional usage (or mis-usage)...everything about it is wonderful to me.  This is the book that first interested me in language itself, not just stories.  The scene with Humpty Dumpty and the explanation of the Jabberwocky poem are my favorite parts. 

Also, the whole idea of nonsense being a good, even necessary, thing was pretty new to me.  All throughout life and childhood, people tell you to grow up and act your age and stop all that nonsense.  Children are told that their ideas about the world are wrong and incorrect, and that they must learn the right and correct way of things.  So having a book tell me that nonsense was a good thing was incredibly eye-opening.  Even now, I like to spice up my life with a bit of nonsense, even if it's just deciding to do something for absolutely no reason at all.  This frustrates the people around me sometimes, but these mad ideas generally turn out to be fun and worthwhile, simply by their nonsensical nature.  Everyone needs a little madness in their lives, after all.

3.) Death Be Not Proud by John Gunther

The best teacher I've ever had read this book to my gifted class when I was in 7th grade.  It's nonfiction - a memoir - and the only one of its kind on my list.  I often forget about this book and how much it meant to me; it's a quiet book, not one that really calls attention to itself with grand gestures or epic lessons, but it's one that sneaks back into my head every now and then, just to say hi and remind me that it's there.

Gunther wrote this memoir about his son, Johnny, who died of a brain tumor when he was 17 years old.  Johnny was incredibly intelligent and had an insatiable hunger for knowledge and love of learning that kept him going even in his last moments of life.  One of the things that impressed me most about him, for example, was that he passed the Harvard entrance exams with a tumor eating his brain.

But despite his illness, and some might say despite his intelligence (though others would say because of it), the thing that struck me the most about the story of Johnny Gunther was not what one would expect from such a memoir.  It wasn't his bravery in the face of death, not his selflessness or his struggle for survival...none of those things which are commonly lauded when a young person dies.  Instead, it was his love of life that impressed me most.  Johnny Gunther, no matter what happened to him, did not once stop living throughout the entire time he was dying.  He cherished life and the small joys it brings.  He refused to let the bad thing get to him, and it really made me consider how often I do let them get to me.  How many times a day do I let myself worry or get mad or feel sad over things I can't even control?  How many times a day do I let good things pass by without even a smile or passing thought?  Way too many times, that I know for certain.

Johnny Gunther taught me to be enthusiastic not just about the big things in life, the things that everyone gets excited for, but the little things, the ones that go unnoticed and unappreciated.  The book includes entries from Johnny's diary in the months before he died, and there is one in particular that my best friend and I have adopted as a sort of life motto, one that, I think, has changed the way we live.  It is simply two words, a toast to the most fantastic gift that any of us ever receives: "To Life!"

***I was hesitant to include these last two books on my list because I read both of them within the last two years, and I didn't really think that was enough time for me to be able to say they've shaped my life.  But nothing else fit.  I couldn't think of any other books to take their places on this list.  Then I realized that it's not the amount of time that something has affected you that matters, it's how deeply.  These two books, though they haven't had that much time to stew yet, affected me more deeply than any of the other books I considered putting on this list.  The fact that I first wanted to include them at all speaks for itself.

4.) The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

I first read The Night Circus about two years ago, my freshman year in college.  I think this might be the most beautiful book I've ever read.  I don't necessarily mean story-wise, although the story most definitely is beautiful.  I think the words of this book, the descriptions, the way that Erin Morgenstern makes you see, hear, feel, smell, taste the Circus...it's absolutely amazing.  You don't just read this book, you experience it.  

The Night Circus is, of course, about a circus, though please take everything you think you know about circuses and throw it all out the window, because this one is completely different.  Le Cirque des Rêves, or The Circus of Dreams, is only open at night, and it is a lovely, mysterious place where the magic of dreams become reality.  The circus serves as the stage for a magical competition between two magicians, Celia and Marco, each trying to prove themselves more skilled than the other.  Despite this fierce duel, the two fall in love, not knowing that only one of them can finish the competition.

The Circus of Dreams is just incredibly.  Morgenstern clearly has a gift with description, because it all feels so real.  She makes you feel like it's all true, that you just need to wait and hope long enough, and the Circus will mysteriously appear one evening in your town, ready to open its gates when the sun sets.  It's a magical place, an incredibly artistic and beautiful place.  And oh, how I can't stop wishing that it were real, that I could actually visit.

This book is on my list for much more than its description, though.  Something about this book, about the Circus and the people and the atmosphere...I don't even know how to explain it.  I actually can't think how to fit what I'm thinking and feeling into words.  Let's try this: Imagine a night sitting outside by yourself or with a quiet friend (one of those friends with whom you can have a great conversation in perfect silence).  Perhaps you're writing or reading something magnificent, or maybe you're just sitting quietly, contemplating life and the world.  The stars are shining, and you two are the only people around, each doing his or her own thing, but managing to still do them together.  You're not particularly tired, really, but you feel a slightly pleasant sleepiness that adds a tiny bit of unreality to everything around you.  Because you are spending periods of time lost in either words or thought, resurfacing brings with it a sort of hyper awareness of everything.  You aren't bored, you aren't particularly entertained, you aren't really doing much at all, but everything you are experiencing feels full of meaning and possibility and inspiration.  You can't help but feel a sense of hopeful contentment with the world and life.  You don't want the night to end, because you realize that once it's over, once you sleep and wake the next day, this feeling will be gone, and everything will be back to normal.

That's what The Night Circus is like.


5.) The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

I feel like such a cheater by including this book on my list.  It's almost a cliche now to talk about how much it changed your life, and since I read the book less than a year ago now, it feels like a sham to talk about how much it changed mine.

But it did, and that's undeniable, so I included it anyway.

I actually saw the movie before I read the book, and I'm glad I did, because the movie really affected me and made me feel deep things, but when I read the book shortly after, it deepened those already deep things and made them into something even more beautiful.

I read this book very quickly (I think I read it in one sitting), and by the time I finished, I was crying and wanted to be alone...but not in a bad way.  I was crying because it was sad but beautiful.  I was crying for the pure honesty and truth I found woven into the story.  I wanted to be alone so I could think and digest and really let the book sink in.  I was terrified something would interrupt that process and that I would lose it, that strange happy/sad feeling I got from reading this.  I finally understood what Sally Sparrow meant in Doctor Who that sadness was "happy for deep people," because that's exactly how I felt.  I was perfectly happy, but I had this strange aching sadness that I couldn't shake and wouldn't even if I could, because it was part of what made me so happy.

I think my favorite thing about this book is the corny quotes.  You can find incredibly corny quotes from this book all over the internet from "I feel infinite." to "We accept the love we think we deserve."  And don't get me wrong, I love them just as much as everyone else, but you must admit that these sorts of things are why the word "corny" was even invented.  But that's why it's so lovely.  Even though these quotes are corny and overused and everywhere, they still manage to mean something.  They are still true, they still hold that same honesty.  It's not the kind of truth you know, it's the kind you feel to be true.  It's amazing to me, every time I see something plastered with one of these quotes, they still hold meaning for me, they still stir those deep feelings.

This book, in my opinion, at least, is an honest glorification of life; all its ups and downs and everything we experience that shapes our lives, and the appreciation of how all the things in life create us and make us who we are.  Sam is a wallflower, one who watches without being noticed, who tries very hard to "participate in life."  I think that's something we all struggle with, participating in life, though I don't think everyone notices.  We strive for meaningful experiences, memories, and relationships, but so many people don't take the time to actively enjoy the little things, the things that come together to make up the bigger experiences: a nice cup of tea, a good novel, an amusing joke, a really nice hug, a smile from a stranger...these things are just as important as the birthdays and the anniversaries and all those other major moments in life that we spend so much time looking forward to; in fact, they are arguably more important.

Sometimes you just have to let go and live a little.  Do something ridiculous or a bit irresponsible, throw your cares away for a little while, just realize and enjoy the fact that you are a living, breathing human being.  That's what I took away from this tiny little book I read less than a year ago, and it's something that has definitely had an impact on the way I live my life.  My favorite quote from the book, one that I think describes life so beautifully well, is "So this is my life.  And I want you to know that I'm both happy and sad, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be."

This is my bookprint.  These are the books that have had the most significant impact on my life and way of thinking.  They brought me happiness, and most of them brought me a fair bit of sadness too, but that's how life works anyway.  So there.  These are the stories that have most enriched my life.  I hope they do the same for you.

Victoria

Now that's an idea...

I finally managed to get past my writer's block, but I am gradually realizing that inspiration comes at a price.  I know a way to make my story more interesting, more dynamic...but it requires a TON of rewrite...and possibly the loss of my story I was working on in November, Curious Nonsense, aka Mirora.

It has just occurred to me that taking bits and ideas from Mirora would really benefit this story.  I would have to use the entire main idea behind Mirora, which would destroy and derail that story completely.  I'm not going to lie and say that this is a difficult choice; I'd all but decided not to finish Mirora already, so killing it won't be that big of a deal.  No, it's what it will do to The Window of Impossible Things that I'm worried about.  I love this story, I love my original idea for it, and I'm scared to change so much about what it is.  Some might call this the natural evolution of my story, but I can't help seeing it slightly differently.

If I change this about Window, I'm terrified I'll start to lose what I like so much about this story.  I'm scared it'll be too much.  I don't know if I have the patience or energy to completely rewrite so much of Window, so I'm scared of how much this new/old idea will change it.  I don't want to let this one go.  I don't want it to sit unfinished on my computer and notebook for the next five years like the other stories I've started and never finished.  It's a scary thought.  I'm scared to take this chance that I'll change it too much.  I don't want the story to lose its identity, and I certainly don't want to start all over again.

Contrariwise, however, this new idea excites me.  I'm madly curious to see where this could take Anya, and how it will change where she's been.  I like her, and I'm anxious to put her in the type of story and situations her character deserves.  She deserves more than what I'm giving her at the moment, and the blockage has stemmed from my sudden realization of the fact that I've left her in an impossible situation.  I left her a plot that she didn't care about and that she couldn't fix even if she did care, and I could tell it wasn't going to work.  I think Anya will blossom much more beautifully in this new story direction.

But what of her writer?

Will I be able to pull it off?  I don't have a lot of confidence in my patience and persistence.  They've let me down so many times that I don't know whether to trust myself to really finish this story.  I really want to.  But I'm really good at convincing myself that I don't want things that will cause me too much trouble.  And I don't want to convince myself that this story isn't worth it, because I know that it is.

I'm sure I'm not the first person to have this sort of problem, and I doubt I'll be the last.  I suppose the only thing I can do is trust my excitement, trust my instinct that this will be really awesome, something for me to stay excited about.

I hope I'm making the right decision.

Victoria

Blockage

It's finally happened.  I spent all of April cruising merrily through my story, idea after idea flowing freely through my brain, only to hit the second act turn and BAM!  I've hit a wall.

That's right.  I have writer's block.

I was seriously hopeful that it wouldn't hit me, at least not until the climax, but nope, here it is.  I'm super stuck, and it's driving me nuts.  There are several flaws with the direction I've taken my story, and I really need to fix them before this blockage will clear up.

My bad guys are weak.  The big giant evil thing that they're going to do?  Yeah, it's stupid.  My MC wouldn't care at all if they succeeded.  It doesn't affect her in any way, and she's not selfless or noble enough to jump to the rescue of the world's happiness.  They have to be doing something seriously messed up for her to go through the effort of stopping them, and they're not.  I can't force her to care.  She's sitting in a corner stubbornly refusing to go.  She always was a stubborn one.

I'm also tapping her on the shoulder, reminding her that she has to be a bit more active in her own story.  She can't let the other characters do everything for her; she has to take the reins and drive this thing herself.  She started off doing this excellently, but once other people started butting in, she got lazy.  Poor thing's been through a lot, but she can't give up now.  She's still got the hardest part of the book ahead of her.

I really don't know what to do.  Endings have always been my weakness (which seems like a very serious flaw for a writer, now that I really think about it), and I'm stuck.  It's really not good for my whole "finish this book by the end of the month" thing, and I'm starting to feel discouraged that I can't seem to find any decent way to resolve these issues.  I think the second thing will help resolve itself if I can only fix the first problem, but I'm having no luck with that so far.  The bad guys persist in being cardboard, and I need something real.

I've taken to hand writing some notes in hope of inspiration, but so far it's not working very well.  However, like the optimist I am, I will keep trying.  I have work at 10 tomorrow morning, but I think I'm going to stay up obscenely late anyway.  It feels like one of those nights.

Victoria

And so it begins!

Once again, we've reached the beginning of Camp NaNoWriMo.  Tyler (my brother-in-law who is also participating) and I stayed up till midnight so that we could get a head start, and both of us have reached out daily word count goal before the sun is even up, so that's pretty cool.  I'm simply continuing The Window of Impossible Things, and he's starting a new story.  It's been really fun having a writing buddy who was actually...you know...writing with me.  We've been swapping quotes and concepts back and forth, bouncing ideas off each other for inspiration.

It's been a while since I've really written anything, and I stopped on a rather difficult part of the novel.  I wasn't sure where to go from there, so I was worried that getting back into the swing of writing would take quite a while.  And yes, tumblr and Penny Arcade did distract me for a while, but I'm excited that the words flowed as quickly as they did.  I'm writing the second act turn, the rallying point for my MC to rise up after her Dark Night of the Soul and realize that she actually can accomplish her goal.  It's going rather well, though I'm not quite sure how I feel about what I've just written.  It's alright, but I think it needs a bit more.  I'll probably fix that later.  Note to self: August is for editing!

I'm really excited that Tyler is participating this month.  I always bug people to do NaNo, and though several of my friends and even my husband have previously agreed, it hasn't had nearly the effect on them as it has had on me.  It didn't help them write more, and it didn't make them more excited about writing.  Tyler seems to be different, though.  He's been saying for days how anxious he is to get writing, and he seems legitimately excited to write, which is good.  That's how I always feel, so it's finally nice to share the experience with someone who feels similarly to me about it.

I think this is going to be an interesting month.  I just hope I can finally finish my novel.  It will just make my year if I can finish the first draft of this thing and start editing and whatnot.  I'm anxious to finish everything and finally allow someone else to read it.  I'm really only working with my own opinion here, and that's unusual for me.

It's late, I'm tired, and I have more writing to do later today, so goodnight and happy writing!

Victoria

PS: 1251

My First Story

My first real story was a screenplay I wrote in 7th grade. My friends and I wanted to make a movie, and we came up with a title - Defy the Line - that we thought would make a great film.

Trouble was, we didn't have a storyline to go with it.  We all wracked our brains trying to come up with something, but there were no ideas, no sparks, no inspiration at all.

Then one night, while I was just hanging out at my grandmother's house, a wonderful idea for the story just materialized in my mind out of nowhere. I was so excited that I started writing that night and finished the first scene.

This was my first experience with the amazing rush of excitement and possibility that comes with sudden inspiration.

I'd had no idea that inspiration could work like that.  I'm sure I'd heard people talk about it before...how you sitting there thinking of something completely pointless and then BAM!  Something beautiful just unfolds in your brain, and you feel the intense creative energy running through you.  You know it's a good idea, and it comes with this craving to get it down, to remember it, to do something worthy of such an idea.  Defy the Line was one of those ideas.

Unfortunately, I never finished writing it.  I tried for a long time, but I loved my idea so much that I couldn't get past the feeling that I wasn't doing it justice, that I simply didn't have the ability to pull it off.  So I finally gave up and pushed it out of my mind.

But it refused to go away.  I thought about it often.  Every now and again, I would find myself itching to try again, but I haven't yet reached a point where I feel like I'm ready.  Still, Defy the Line is a story that’s been in my head for eight years now.

I keep writing in the hopes that one day I will finally be good enough to tell it.

Writing Matters.

http://blog.lettersandlight.org/tagged/my-first-nano

Goings On

So I've given up on this blog twice now, but I'd like to give it a third shot.  I kinda stopped during April because I was so busy writing...you know, my novel.  But maybe I can try to multitask this time.

In April, I started a novel that I eventually named The Window of Impossible Things, and I actually won April's Camp NaNoWriMo, which I didn't honestly think I'd be able to do.  Camp NaNo's July session starts this Monday, and I plan on using the month to finish up this novel and finally begin the much-anticipated editing process.

I really really REALLY like this novel, which is kind of a new experience for me.  Normally when I write, I constantly ask friends or family to read bits of my work or I post pieces on the internet and various things like that.  Basically, I constantly need someone to tell me that they are interested, that what I'm writing is worth finishing.  With this novel, though, I don't want anyone to read it until it's finished.  I really can't wait to finish because I can't wait to share it with people in its entirety.  I don't want them to have a small piece, and I don't need anyone to tell me it's good.  I actually like it and enjoy reading it myself, which is so beautiful and crazy and wonderful to me.  I'm so confident that I will finally finish something, and I'm incredibly excited about it.  I also haven't hit a point throughout this writing process where I believe that everything I'm writing is absolutely horrible and should just be thrown away.  I've felt a certain level of confidence in myself throughout the entire thing, and when I did start to doubt my abilities, I went back and reread some of my writing, and it actually made me feel better.  I'm not used to this.

I really enjoy writing, and I can't wait to get back to it.  I'm a very lazy person, so sometimes, even when I actually want to write, I can't make myself sit down and do it.  Having a deadline over my head will be a nice change.  I'll finally be able to convince myself to sit down and do it.  Especially since my goal is not a word count this time but actual completion.  It'll be a challenge, but it's one that I am eager to begin.

Happy writing,
Victoria

PS: I convinced my brother-in-law to write with me this month, and I'm so happy to see that he's almost as excited about this as I am.  It's going to be an awesome July.

Mess Idea

I've recently acquired a copy of Keri Smith's book Mess.  If you're not familiar with Keri or her works, I will direct you to her website to become acquainted with the type of things she writes: http://www.kerismith.com/

Basically, her books contain challenges/tasks/ideas on each page that you must complete in order to finish the book.  Things like "While in a public place, draw a large circle in full view.  Color it in." and other random things.  This sort of thing might not seem like it encourages creativity or originality, but it actually does.

To give you an idea, here's my copy of Keri's This Is Not A Book:

(His name is Gaius Non Libris.  And I know it might look like it but no, he's not a book.  Hence the title.)

I've been working on my This Is Not A Book for several months now, and it's actually quite fun to go through and find the tasks I would like to complete, especially with my friends.  But with Mess, I might try something different.  Instead of just following the instructions and doing everything in the book by myself, I'm considering trying to turn it into a group project.

My idea is to do a certain number of pages myself, then pass the book onto someone else with these rules:

1.) You must complete (certain number) of tasks in this book.  You may choose which ones, as long as they have not been completed before.
2.) You must include evidence within the book that you completed said tasks (if your task takes place outside of the book, you must at least include pictures of your project).
3.) After completing said number of tasks, you must pass the book on to someone else who has not had the book before, and they must continue the chain.
4.) Once the book is complete, you must mail it back to me (and include my address or something inside the book).

I'm thinking this would be REALLY cool to do.  Then, not only would I have some fun with it, but it would turn into this collaborative thing with a bunch of people I might not even know.  And I could see others' ideas and creative pursuits in following the book's instructions.  It would be super awesome!!

I've been unsure about it for a while, but I'm really starting to think that this might be a good idea.  Also, I agree with the message of the book, and I'd like it to reach as many creative people as possible (in case you're wondering, the overall message is that you should stop worrying so much about being perfect and allow yourself to mess things up sometimes because it frees your creative mind).  It would be kinda like a travelling creative project!

If this does happen, I'll definitely post pictures and updates (whenever I get them) here.

In the words of Mumbo Jumbo: "Hope this works!"

Victoria

Permission to Suck

"I give myself permission to suck.” - Maureen Johnson + John Green on how they write and get over writers block

I'm slowly learning that sometimes you just have to accept being not perfect at something and dare to just do what you can, regardless of what the world thinks.  I'm also learning that it's harder than it sounds, but the rewards are definitely worth it.

I've been attempting to take this advice particularly when writing, because that's definitely something that stands in my way when I'm writing: the fear of imperfection.  This is true whether I'm writing a class paper, a twitter status, or even my stories.  I find myself worrying about the quality of what I'm writing to the point that I can't bring myself to write anything at all, which is a horrible point to reach.  The creative flow slows to a stop, my thinking turns self-critical, and I become disgusted with my lack of ability to even write English coherently much less beautifully or cleverly.

But it's at that point - at midnight the night before my paper is due or midway through a timed writing session - that I tell myself how much none of that matters.  Who cares if my writing is horrid??  As long as I get words from my brain to the paper, the quality doesn't matter in the least.  It's the editing that takes the utter crap I spew out onto the page and makes it (hopefully) worth reading.  And I have to really, really work hard to not edit myself to death while I'm still in the middle of writing the first draft.  It's taking a lot of self control not to edit this very post as I write, and I'm barely managing it.  It's really hard to let myself write things that I know are crap, even if I also know that right after I'm finished writing, I'm just going to turn around and edit most of the crap right out.  But the crap must be written in order that it may be made clean.  I can't fix what doesn't exist.

I know that this particular technique works with writing, but that's a pretty narrow application; most people don't write enough for this to really matter to them.  But it works for other things too, not all of them based solely on creativity.

Some people are shy.  Some people refuse to participate in anything that they think may embarrass them in front of others, be they strangers or friends.  Almost everyone reaches the point where they won't try something for fear of making a fool out of themselves.  It's at that point, the point where you sort of wish you were just a little less self-conscious because that thing you're too nervous to do looks like so much fun, that you need to allow yourself to suck.  Whether it's dancing, singing, playing a game or anything (particularly in public), allow yourself that chance to act a fool.  Stop worrying so much that other people will judge you for how badly you dance/sing/play/perform/etc, and ENJOY your imperfection.  Chances are that 1) you're not the only one sucking at it and 2) most people won't notice or care how bad you are at whatever you're doing.  If you're at a dance, your favorite song comes on, and you really want to go out and dance with your friends, but you're just not really a good dancer and you'll just look dumb and there are just so many people...STOP WORRYING AND DANCE!!!  If you just let go of that fear of imperfection and allow yourself to suck a little bit, you'll most likely have a fantastic time, and it's very likely that no one will even notice or care about your horrible dancing!

I know you're thinking But Victoria, it's really not that easy, and I think you're underestimating how much I really suck at dancing, and that's partly true (though seriously, I'm a very awkward dancer, so PLEASE don't talk to me about how bad you are).  It's not easy, not at all.  But it is actually much easier than you might think, especially the more you practice it.  You have to consciously make the decision to stop worrying, stop self-critiquing, stop thinking too hard about it.  Lower your expectations of yourself.  It is incredibly rare that we as humans find something that we are naturally perfect at without any practice or learning involved.  So why do most of us shy away from doing things that we think we aren't "good at" the first few times we try??  Of course we're not good at it!  We won't even let ourselves do it enough to GET good at it!  For some reason, most people hold unrealistic expectations for their own talents and abilities, and when those expectations aren't met by something, they label themselves as "not good at it" and they move on, avoiding said activity as much as possible, particularly when the thing is in view of or involves other people.  When you really think about it, it doesn't actually make much sense.  We need practice, repetition, and learning to become good at something, but we don't like to practice or repeat things we aren't good at.  Pretty much everyone is guilty of this at some point.  I certainly am.

So that's the sort of thing I try to keep in mind when I start getting self-conscious and nervous about how well I'm doing things.  Sucking is an important part of being human and learning new things, and when you stop worrying so much and actually allow yourself to suck, you often enjoy yourself much more than when you sit out and remain suck-less.  I think it's a valuable lesson that everyone can take to heart in some way.  So next time someone asks you to do something fun and your self-consciousness kicks in, instead of making the excuse "No thanks, I'm not good at that," why not swallow your pride, take a risk, and show off how badly you suck??  Who knows??  You might actually enjoy it.

Behind and Panicking

...well, a little.

Currently, I've written 6,520 words for my novel.  I've maneuvered my way past the Inciting Incident (an excerpt of which can be seen in my last post), and now I'm trying hard not sprint toward the First Act Turn too quickly (leaving the bits in between riddled with plot holes and lack of storytelling).  Luckily, I've gotten most of my structure for the first half planned out decently well...or at least enough that I basically know what's coming next.  I decided to use the three act structure to plan out my story, and it's working so far.

I'm starting to get a little nervous because of how behind I am on my word count.  To stay on the right track, my graph says I should be at about 13,300 words.  I'm barely reaching the halfway point, and I have no idea how much I'll write today.  I like to think I'll get at least a thousand words done, but with a history of jazz quiz and Quidditch practice (not the mention the distractions of my friends and the internet), there's just no telling.

Luckily, I've finally reached a part that I'm excited to write.  I get to tell a bit of history and backstory, and I'm very excited.  The bad thing about getting to this part I've been looking forward to is that now I don't know how to write it in the way that I would like.  Since it's something I like, I want to write it well, so it's been difficult for me to start.  I tried to write it in class yesterday, but I just kept scratching out and rewriting because the words just wouldn't come out right.

Shannon and I went to our first NaNoWriMo wWrite-In on Tuesday night, which was awesome!  We met some really cool people and had a fun time discussing the oddest things while all trying to give our word counts a little boost.  It was also kinda cool because we were writing and hanging out while watching the presidential election results roll in, though that surprisingly took up little of our conversation.  We had a great time, and I hope to attend as many of the others as I can.

Well, I suppose I should stop procrastination and get back to either writing or homework.  I can't tell anymore if I'm procrastinating homework by writing or procrastinating writing by doing homework...or perhaps I'm procrastinating both of them by spending way too much time surfing the web.  Such is life.

Happy writing!

Victoria

Excerpt

"Okay, Ms. Maryanne, what seems to be-" She broke off.  Ms. Maryanne was not in the room.  Louise set the tray down and checked the few other rooms on the first floor, calling her name.  Then she opened the front door and stepped outside to see if the lady had gone back home.  Stepping back inside the house, she heard a thump and a screech coming from above.  She rushed up the stairs as fast as she could to the attic.  The door was shut and locked from the inside.  Louise tried to force the door open to no avail.  She stood helplessly on the landing trying to figure out what to do when she heard a deafening crash from the other side of the door.

"Lily?" she called, frantic.  "Lily!  Open the door!  Ms. Maryanne, are you in there?  Someone open this door now!"

The only response from the room was another floor-shaking crash.  Louise finally stepped back, squared her shoulders, and kicked at the door as hard as she could.  The door smashed open, and as she hurried into the room, she was met with a shocking sight.

Ms. Maryanne was standing in front of the Looking Glass; her expression was dark, and her eyes held a glint of madness.  Louise's eyes were drawn in horror to the Looking Glass where someone had smashed  it right in the center.  She looked back at Maryanne to see her gripping the smoothing tool in both hands. 

"Ms. Maryanne?" Louise asked, confused.  "What are you doing?"  She took a step forward just as the woman, with surprising strength, slammed the tool into the already-cracking mirror.  Since the Portal was still on low, the tool stuck a little in the transfer field.  Louise ran forward to stop the woman, but before she could take more than a few steps, there was a crackling and a giant flash of light from the crack in the mirror.  By this strange light, Louise for a moment thought she saw  the laughing form of Ms. Maryanne change into a smaller, straighter form in her reflection in the mirror.

Louise's attention was pulled from Ms. Maryanne to the crack in the Portal, which was powering up again.  The Glass smoothed itself, but instead of a view of Mirora, the image of the most extraordinary creature Louise had ever seen appeared in the Glass.  The monstrous creature straightened itself from its crouched position where it appeared to have been sleeping.  It began to writhe as it worked its way out of the Glass, and finally, a large, clawed foot emerged from the split, followed by the rest of its body.  The beast was long, rather skinny, and it walked on three legs.  It had a long, curving tail that ended in a tuft of hair.  Its skin was scaly and black and covered in many places with thin feathers of every color.  Ten-fingered hands curled out from long, thin arms.  It had long curving nails stretching from each finger, and its wrists were covered in fur.  Its face was thin and gaunt with a long snout; it had two rows of razor sharp teeth and a small beard.  Its eyes were almond-shaped and widely spaced.  Louise thought she detected a hint of madness in those blank and sinister eyes.  On its back, the creature had four giant, leather wings with edges rimmed in multicolored feathers.

Her fear and horror kept Louise rooted to the spot.  She'd never seen anything like this creature before.  It roared, rattling the walls and the ceiling, then whipped its tail around the room, smashing everything in its wake.  It clipped Louise on the shoulder, sending her flying across the room and onto an overturned chair.  Louise heard the creature give a bone-chilling laugh, and it spoke in a voice like nails on a chalkboard.

"I am the Ssssnark…" the creature hissed, "and at lasssst, I...am...FREE!"  It roared the last word and smashed a hole in the wall.  It then launched itself through the hole and into the air, twisting and turning in the sky until it disappeared amidst the billowy clouds, laughing manically.

The Challenge

I've always wanted to write a novel.  I absolutely adore reading, and that has naturally led me to try my hand at writing as well, though so far I've met with little success.  I've started one or two stories, but I always wind up getting severe writer's block.  Next thing I know, I'm on Pinterest or watching Ponies on Netflix.

I've discovered what I hope will be a solution to my problem: NaNoWriMo.  I've just recently learned that November is National Novel Writing Month and that there is an entire organization out there devoted to helping writers (like myself) write that novel they've been dreaming of.  How?  By challenging writers to write 50,000 words in the month of November.  30 days, 50,000 words, one novel in one month.  The website (nanowrimo.org) sets up a word counter and everything for authors to keep track of their progress towards the 50,000 word goal.  People from all over the world participate in this every year, and this year, I am too!

There are several rules involved:
1.) You cannot use any prose you've written before November.  November 1st should be the actual start of your writing.  You can use any notes and planning from before, but the writing part has to start on November 1st at the earliest.
2.) You also have to reach 50,000 words by midnight on November 30th.  It doesn't need to be edited or anything, it just needs to be actually written.  Submit your novel to the word-counting judges, and you can be a NaNoWriMo winner!
It's basically as simple as that!  I mean, it can't be one word repeated 50,000 times or anything like that, but I figure that sort of thing is glaringly obvious.  There's no judgement on quality or anything more than the word count, which leaves the author free to do whatever they want with their novel!

I started late on Day 3, so I'm rather behind on my word count right now, but I'm confident I can catch up.  I've never been so excited and confident about writing!  The different areas even hold write-ins for local Wrimos to all hang out and write together!  They'll be holding a few at my university, and I certainly plan on attending!  I've even got my best friend involved, and we're sort of having a word war between ourselves :).

I started writing just yesterday, and NaNoWriMo says we authors should be aiming for about 6,667 words by midnight tonight.  So far, in two days, I have 3,468 words, which I like to think is pretty good.  I wouldn't allow myself to stop until I reached the halfway mark for where I'm supposed to be.

My story is a unique take on certain aspects of Lewis Carroll's Wonderland that I'm calling (for now) Curious Nonsense.  That's definitely just a working title, since I don't think it fits my story at all.  I might post a couple excerpts every now and then, though I don't want to spoil anything ;).

I'll start off by giving the logline (a 10-second summary) of my story:
"When a disastrous accident threatens the imminent collapse of two worlds, the woman responsible must race a power-hungry maniac to recapture the only creature that can restore balance."

I've got most of the story arc planned out as I would like it, which is more than I can say for most of my other attempts at writing.  I think I rather like the pressure that comes with this challenge :).  I guess that's not surprising since I'm definitely a write-a-paper-the-night-before kinda girl.

Well, I suppose that's it for introductions!  My next post will probably be an excerpt from my 3,468 words so far.  I sure hope I can complete this thing and win!

Good luck to all the other Wrimos out there!

~Victoria